The Journey Without You
by Tsaritza Mika
Summary: Set between COMO and BOMF, Sousuke seeks the assistance of an old comrade to set him on the path that will lead him to Kaname.  Contains some spoilers, so don't read if you haven't read COMO or FMP Sigma Vol. 5 and onward.  Rated for Language and Violence
1. Chapter 1

**Okay so, I've been working on constructing this for a while now, and after extensive research, I finally decided to start writing it out. This IS my first cross-over, so I hope I can get some good constructive criticism, so that if I ever decide to do another, I'll know where to fix my faults. Also, since I have other projects I'm working on as well, this story won't be updated very frequently. I do already have other stories that take priority, but thankfully, I don't plan on this one being very long, so it's all good. Thanx for stopping by, and I hope you enjoy the ride!**

**Mika Kuruyame  
**

* * *

**Chapter 1 - After The Fall**

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* * *

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Can't stop fallin'  
Heartaches callin'  
Finds you after the fall  
Saints or sinners  
Take no prisoners  
What's left after you fall  
Not much no

* * *

Hindsight is 20/20. He'd often heard such a saying after missions that had gone less than smoothly. And though he'd always known that such an expression was only meant to encourage learning from one's mistakes, he didn't need to be told such things right now. No, he was living his difficult lesson, and every breath he took was serving as just another reminder to it as well. He'd lost. He'd never ruled out the possibility from previous missions, but to have lost the one time he had needed more than anything to succeed...

The very moment it happened would forever be etched in his mind. Every detail, no matter how insignificant, rang loudly through his thoughts. The ear piercing screech of metal as the Arbalest was peeled open, the light smell of machinery fluids and smoke from the sparking wires, the feel of the wind as it rushed inside the once sealed cockpit, and the absolute desperation as he took hold of his Glock and tried firing in vain at the impossible Armslave in front of him. He could still see its mechanized face, its eyes glowing as it continued enjoying its rather condescending glare, watching him the same way parents would an insolent child.

That's when she reappeared. As if materializing from the very air itself, she stood tall and proud, demanding a trade. His life, for her surrender. Yes, every single breath, every beat of his heart, it was all because of her. It always had been really, since the day they had first met. He would have gladly given his life for her, and at times, he had tried. But her orders were ones that mattered most, and every time he'd prepared to sacrifice himself for her, she had ordered him not to.

This time however, she willingly sacrificed herself for him. It was _never_ supposed to be that way. Countries churned out soldiers by the hundreds every day. If needed, he could always be replaced, possibly by someone with more experience, or someone more covert than he. Yes, he could always be replaced. Mithril could have done so at anytime anyway.

But no one could replace Kaname Chidori.

The circumstances that ultimately shaped her into the person she was, they happened every day. But no one could ever, or would ever be Kaname Chidori. There was only one. One brilliant, fiery, confident, beautiful, caring, and wonderful young woman like her. That's all there ever would be as well. Such a person like her was worth dying for, and it would have been an honor to do so. Fleeting images of the last moments he saw her continued to plague him, replaying as if on a broken record, and still, every time it only continued to spread the pain in his heart.

Her long dark hair blowing in the wind, the sadness in her eyes as tears ran unchecked down her cheeks, and her final message to him, lost forever in the wind and dust as she was carried away from him on the palm of that silver monster. So ashamed of his failure, he hadn't left his apartment for days. He had just sat there, only checking outside sources twice before receding once more into the depths of his mental suffering. He didn't need anyone else to tell him that he'd lost everything. He'd once had similar feelings back in October, when he was recalled, but now he knew better. Back then, the city he had come to treasure wasn't in shambles. Back then his classmates thought he was a harmless military otaku. Back then he knew exactly where she was, and that she and her fellow students would be fine, with or without him.

Now they knew everything. Everyone had looked at him with the same fear she had once before. Then they were angry. He saw it coming though. They had every right to be furious with him after all. He'd lied about everything, right from the start, especially to his closest civilian friends. Still wallowing in his guilt, he allowed them to vent their anger and fear of him. He'd sworn to her that he would protect them too, because just as she was precious to him, they were precious to her.

Then Kyoko got hurt, and the pristine world he'd tried to keep so far from the truth was cracked.

His 20/20 was that he had taken on too much at once. With so few resources and no back-up he had done his best to save her city, and the people she valued most in it. Looking back, he should have followed his instincts and ran away with her. Taken her to some foreign land and hide themselves under the veil of anonymity. Hidden so that neither the arms of Mithril nor the shadows of Amalgam could ever be able to take her away from him again. Now though, it was all just a fleeting dream.

Sousuke sat unmoving in his seat near the window, the clouds whisking by as the plane jostled about in the turbulence, dipping slightly as it gradually began to descend. He still had another ten minutes before they would reach his destination, and once again he wondered at what fate his comrades met as he fought for her city. What had become of Mithril he didn't know, but those few he had grown close with, he wondered if they survived. Was Kurz, Melissa, Tessa and the rest of them out there somewhere? He was fairly certain that Kalinin was dead. Even the private communications they had set up outside of Mithril had remained silent. Their loss was also weighing heavily on his heart, though significantly lighter than the weight of failing Kaname so thoroughly.

It sounded cold to say such things, but it was true. He had long ago accepted that comrades came and went, whether it be by choice or death. But since before he could remember, he'd never dealt with a _lost love_ before. But then again, he'd never loved before either. It almost felt at times as if part of his chest was hollow, though he knew such comparisons went against all logic.

"Better strap in Sagara. We'll be landing soon."

"Roger." Pulling his seat belt tighter, the small plane's nose dipped, taking it under the clouds as it began its descent. It was just past four in the afternoon now, and if he was lucky, once on the ground he might be able to get in touch with an old comrade from his days in Myanmar. He already assumed that after four years, his business would have found a better location then the one he had started in. Looking out the window again, the thick foliage gave way, and the glow of city lights became clearer. From the sky, the city looked just as he remembered it.

The slums that separated the city from the edges of the thick jungles, each one prowled by the undesired of even this city. The main streets with their glowing stores, restaurants, and casinos. The cluster of tall business towers in the heart of the city, each one belonging to a different mafia, and crawling with loyal grunts. The shipping yard that reeked of illegal weapons and other such pirated goods. And beyond, in the sparkling water of the bay, the giant carved Buddha statue, greeting those who dared to venture into the city with its face marred by multiple bullet holes. And even though he had still yet to land, he could already imagine the sign on the side of the road, just past the bridge with an old noose hanging from its beams.

Welcome to Roanapur.

The tarmac coming into view, Sousuke needed no reminders of why he was here. Her sweet face coming to the forefront of his mind, he braced himself as the plane's wheels made contact, the pilot putting on the brakes and bringing it to a slow cruise. It wasn't long after that the plane docked, the workers giving them the signal to disembark. "Well Sagara, here you go."

"Thank you. The money should post in your account before tomorrow. If there are any issues with the transfer, call me."

"Will do man. Watch your back though. This ain't a city you wanna go steppin' on folks toes alright?" His eyes hardening, he waved to his former comrade as he turned and made his way to the building. The small airport was nice enough, probably not one that normal people would find welcoming though. Once inside, Sousuke could feel the eyes of the locals burning into his back, inspecting him as a predator might inspect a piece of meat before devouring it. Once on the street, he took a moment to assess his surroundings. A clear view of the tall buildings in the center shone brightly in the descending sunlight, and if he had been in any other city, with a different purpose, he might have been able to appreciate the view. Glancing over at a small display of local maps, he was almost tempted to take one, until he remembered that such an action was more than likely useless.

This was a town that flowed like the ocean tides, and at a moment's notice could change and wash away anything and anyone that was deemed unfit to be there. And besides that, walking around with a map would be akin to painting a large target on his back. If anyone thought he was anything less than he was, it could stir up more trouble than he felt like dealing with. Repositioning his rucksack on his shoulder, Sousuke calmly descended the steps and began walking down one of the roads. It wasn't long after that the sun dipped low enough to shadow all but the main roads, the neon signs painting the streets in a constantly changing prismatic display. It was only too bad that it couldn't improve the looks of the multiple whores that now lined the streets.

Filing out of their respective houses, each of them made up as much as possible so as to appear beautiful, and cover the evidence of their unsatisfied pimp's _'love'_. Sousuke grimaced as a few of them noticed him, trying to flip their hair and stand in ways that other men might have found enticing. "Hey sweet boy, you lost?"

"Come on over here baby. Let's make you a man tonight!"

"I may cost ya, but I'm worth e-v-e-r-y penny honey!"

"Hey stud, let's you and me dip that banana in some hot chocolate!" Sousuke cringed as the whores continued calling out vulgar innuendos as he passed by, their tune quickly changing as soon as he walked by without acknowledging their efforts. Instead of enticing him though, the only thing he felt now was intense nausea at the thought of their dirty hands and cracked fingernails running along his body in their sloppy attempts to _'please him'_. Finally reaching the end of the long, whore lined street, Sousuke spotted two slightly older men engrossed in a chess game in front of a noodle shop. Deciding that they may very well be his best bet at the moment, he approached them, waiting patiently for them to notice him.

"Hm? Get lost kid, we're busy here."

"I'm sorry to bother you in the middle of your game, but I'm looking for someone and need some assistance."

"That so? And just who're ya looking for? Your Mommy?"

"Yeah, what do we look like, a fucking information booth?" Stroking his short beard, the man moved his rook to the next available square, jumping his friend's pawn and taking it out of the game. More than a little annoyed at their words, Sousuke had to remind himself that this was just how things were here. Roanapur was decidedly not a nice place, so it only made sense that if you were to interact with those who lived there, sometimes being courteous didn't quite fit the bill. His gaze hardening, Sousuke kicked over the small table, the chess pieces scattering in the rising night lights before falling to the blackened concrete. "Fucking prick!"

Moving faster than the old man in front of him, Sousuke brought up his leg and kneed him in the stomach before a swift punch under his chin brought him to stumble back down in his chair. The old man tried kicking Sousuke's leg out from under him, but even as Sousuke was brought down to a knee, it only brought the old man a fierce punch to the gut instead of his face. The force from the hit nearly bent the old man in half as he leaned forward, the pain radiating from his stomach as Sousuke stood and drew his knife under the old man's throat. Normally Sousuke wouldn't have bothered going to such measures against an old man, but if he was an old man in Roanapur, he was more than capable of taking care of himself. Leaning over, he met the old man's furious gaze directly, his grey eyes cold as he stared the man down, letting the cool metal of his favorite knife press against his jugular. "Perhaps you didn't hear me. I asked if you could _kindly_ give me assistance in finding someone."

The old man tried staring back at him, his pride wounded for not being able to teach the little punk a lesson like he had wanted. Unfortunately, he had not been in the service for a while, and his muscles didn't have the same strength they used to. Sousuke's stare was intense and focused as he awaited the older man's answer, the other man sitting across from them watching exchange with amused disinterest as his hot-headed friend tried to out match the young man. A few tense moments later, the old man broke the stare, sighing at his realization that Sousuke was not going to back down. "Alright ya little shit, you win. Who the fuck you looking for?"

"I'm looking for a man called Dutch." Finally getting his way, Sousuke put his knife back in the sheath on his belt, very aware of the shady characters now observing them as he awaited the answers he wanted. It seemed that Roanapur wanted a taste of him earlier than expected.

"Dutch? You mean the guy runnin' the Lagoon Company?"

"Affirmative. Now where can I find him?" The man ran a hand through his beard again, leaning back in his chair as he contemplated his answer. Sousuke remained unmoving, taking note that if he was going to make it through this city quickly, it might be a good idea to keep some of his less appealing traits, specifically those he had tied to his other self, close to the surface. If the people he needed to speak with didn't tread carefully, he was sure that Roanapur might have an exponential amount of fun trying to contain an angered _'Kashim'_. If there was one thing about this city, it was that every killer who wanted it could find a place here, you just had to be wary of who's toes you stepped on to do it. The old man meeting his cold grey irises once more, he leaned forward with a grin.

"Well I ain't got no clue where the office is, but about this time of day you could probly find him down at the Yellow Flag Bar. Place is down near the pier, owner's a guy called Bao. If Dutch ain't there, he'll know where ta find 'em." Carefully looking down at the older man, Sousuke assessed that he was more than likely telling him the truth. And besides, there would be no benefit to him if he was lying, except that he would have a very dangerous young man after him who was out for blood if he did. With a curt nod, Sousuke then picked up the chess pieces from the gutter and righted the table before placing them back on the board. With a quick thanks, he turned and headed down toward the boardwalk. Once there, the last glaring rays of sunlight highlighting the street, Sousuke could spot a lone building a little under a mile from his current position. Guessing that that would more than likely be his destination, he shoved a hand in his pocket and began making his way down the road, readjusting his rucksack on his back.

* * *

You meant more to me than I let you see  
You held on somehow  
All your tenderness and your sweet caress  
I miss you now

* * *

The colors from the sunset intensified as the light continued to disappear below the horizon, their vibrancies reminding him of a happier time, her laughter drifting over the sounds of the evening traffic as the two of them stood on a bridge, the fading light dancing over her hair as it moved in the light breeze. The ache in his chest got worse for a moment, his frown growing deeper as he tried to fight the pain's paralyzing feel. Now was not the time to allow his emotions to render him useless; he would have plenty of time for that after he had fulfilled his promise and taken her back to her city, and the people she cared about. Then, if she wished it, he would leave. It would be better if she could be happy without him there to mess up her life more than he already had, repeatedly causing her grief every time he perceived a threat.

Sousuke now understood just how much she meant to him, and if he was honest with himself, he would like nothing more than to be with her the rest of his life. But her happiness would always come first to him, and if she wished it, he would leave without any hesitation. If that was what made her happiest in life, then he would accept it. He had no right to make demands of her with everything she had been through, so with another weight added to his heart, Sousuke took a deep breath and continued his trek toward the structure down the road.

The sounds of loud music and boisterous patrons drifted over the sound of the ocean that crashed not far from the sidewalk. The large neon sign had activated when the last rays of the sun had dipped below the sea, letting him know that his first stop was within sight. Idly he had to wonder if Dutch had changed much since their days in Myanmar. He was the kind of man who others just seemed to gravitate to, someone who nearly anyone could find themselves liking, even _if_ you were at odds. He was even able to grow a little on Sousuke while they served, so much so that he had followed the man to his first stay in Roanapur. Sousuke hadn't stayed very long, but Dutch had been able to carve out a place for himself, and had decided to stay.

As he approached, a small gang of thugs exited the bar and crowded around a car as they continued conversing loudly. Sousuke heard their conversation die down a few notches as they noticed his approach, coming to a full stop as he began passing them by to enter the bar. A few feet from the door, one of them decided to step in his path, and already Sousuke could feel his irritation building. There were a few very good reasons why he had left this city when he did, and one of them was that every time he turned around, another person was right there ready to assume that he was nothing but a helpless young boy.

Sousuke tried stepping to the side, and every time he did the man stepped in front of him again. "What's up little man? You lost or somthin'?"

"Please let me through." Sousuke wasn't even trying to keep the growl of irritation out of his voice. Lifting his gaze to stare daggers at the taller man, he tried resisting the urge to burn the large afro right off his very skull.

"_Please_? Ha! Did you hear that boys? Little shorty here actually said _'please'_!"

"Aw, ain't that cute?"

"Seriously man! What the fuck's with that?" The man in front of him leaned down to glare at him more closely, the toothpick in his mouth nearly poking Sousuke in the nose as he grinned smugly. "Go on home little man. Yer momma ain't here tonight. Don'tcha go worryin' though, if she shows up ol' Roy'll give her a good fu-"

The man was a lot lighter than Sousuke would have guessed at first glance. He had been reaching out to lay a hand on his shoulder, when Sousuke's irritation at his delay finally reached its head. Grabbing hold of the man's wrist, he quickly turned and launched him back toward his gang, landing hard on the rooftop of the car the thugs had gathered around. The other four stared a moment, surprised that a young man of his size could so easily launch their six foot friend through the air without even breaking a sweat. Sousuke simply stood and stared coldly at the group, knowing that any second now, they would be reaching for their guns to try and kill him for his apparent transgression.

"Fucking prick!" Just as predicted, each one of them reached for their firearm at the same time. Thankfully though, Sousuke already had his Glock in hand from the second the first thug had hit the vehicle, and began returning fire as he took cover behind what appeared to be a classic Pontiac GTO. He sighed to himself as his first gunfight back in the city began, amazed that it really had taken as long as it had to happen in the first place. _'Guess this place must have calmed down since I left,' _he thought to himself as he reloaded the clip. With a sadistic smirk he hadn't worn since long before he joined Mithril, he turned to return fire as the words written on the sign at the side of the road came back to him. _'Hm, welcome to Roanapur indeed...'_

_

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_

But a headstrong stubborn man  
Only works it out the best he can  
Valentines he never sent  
There's not enough time, he's a workin' man

* * *

The crowd had gathered as once again Rock and Revy had entered into yet another drinking contest, tipping back another two double shots of tequila and rum. Dutch and Benny sat over to the side, watching as their friends and fellow associates tried to drink each other under the table, knowing smirks on their faces. With a short growl, Rock joined Revy in slamming down the shot after swallowing the last bit from the glass, both of their faces already very red as the hard liquor made its way through their systems. "I told you Revy! You can't out-drink a Japanese business man! Drinking is second to breathing by the time you get to my old job!"

"And I told ya you got shit for brains asshole! Bao! Where's our drinks ya dumb fuck!"

"Stop shrieking already you fucking bitch! Just take the damn bottle and shut the hell up!" Throwing the large bottles of rum, tequila, and vodka their way, Bao furiously started cleaning some of the mugs, his only reprieve being the thoughts that he knew he would be repaid for the loss of his bottles thanks to the brothel upstairs. The drinks were just starting to flow again when the bottle Revy held onto shattered, the echoes of bullets filling the air. While this was nothing new to anyone currently in the bar, immediately the response was to duck and cover, and in Bao's case, blame Revy. "Dammit Revy! What the _fuck_ did you do this time!"

"How the fuck should I know! I've been on jobs all week!"

"I can vouch for that Bao! Revy's been working all this week on three jobs for me! She didn't have time to piss people off!"

"Bullshit!" Strangely enough, just as quickly as the gunfire had started, it was quiet all over again. Revy already had both cutlasses in her hands as people began carefully peering over whatever they had used to take cover. Rock stayed behind the bar, hunched over and covering his head with his hands, making Revy snort at the cowardly display.

"Fuck Rock, _how_ long have you been here and you still shit you pants when someone pulls a fuckin' gun out?"

"Well excuse me if I happen to like living at the moment!"

"Fuckin' whiny-ass piece of shit! I'll kick your ass if you keep-"

"Excuse me." Not having realized that the gunfire from before had silenced, Revy turned, bringing the barrel of her cutlass around to fire before her gun was halted by a young man leaning over the counter. She had even pulled the trigger to shoot, but the young man had simply brought up his gun near the side of his face to block the continued swing, thus avoiding a bullet to the face. Eyeing the teenager carefully, Revy could feel her short temper rise back up to meet the challenge in his eyes. This kid has just blocked her shot as if it had been nothing! She was the best gun in Roanapur, and if word got out that some random kid had been able to block her shot, others would be swarming trying to prove that they could do it to. The barrel of her cutlass still smoking, Revy sneered up at the young man, his only expression being that of boredom and heavy annoyance.

"So who the _fuck_ are you kid?" Revy almost wanted to pull the trigger when she heard an annoyed sigh come from him, the look on his face alone already beginning to rub her the wrong way.

"I am looking for someone and am in need of some assistance."

"Well whoopdi-fuckin'-doo! What the fuck do I look like huh! A fucking phone book!"

"Uh, Revy..."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP ROCK! GOD DAMMIT WHO THE FUCK DO I GOTTA BLOW TO GET SOME FUCKING RESPECT AROUND HERE! HUH!"

"Sagara?" Revy's tirade was brought to a halt when Dutch was finally able to get a good look at the one responsible for the shoot up in the parking lot. It may have been a few years, but if he remembered right, the boy's appearance hadn't changed much at all. If there had been any doubt in Dutch's mind who the boy was, the moment he turned and laid cold steel eyes on him, and the cross-shaped scar on his cheek coming into full view only confirmed it. The young man Dutch had addressed turned away from the cutlasses barrel, coming to lean on the edge of the bar with only the faintest of smirks on his face, but even then, anyone looking would be able to notice that his expression held no mirth.

"It's been a while, Dutch."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey all! I know it's been a while for this much needed update, but rest assured that I have not forgotten about it. I'm just one of those who likes to make sure every possible kink and slight twist is in place before going forward with something like this. I hate it when people change things too much when dealing with cross-overs, so that's why mine is taking so long to come out. I've also been hard at work churning out my 'FMP in Wonderland' fanarts, and have put up the Caterpillar, and the Cheshire Cat, so I'm gonna take a rest on those and try getting a few of my writing projects up. Anyway, thanks for checkin' this out, and I hope you all enjoy it!  
**

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**Chapter 2 - Walkin' On A Thin line**

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Walking on a thin line  
Straight off the front line  
Labeled as freaks loose on the streets of the city  
Walking on a thin line  
Straight off the front line  
Take a look at my face, see what it's doing to me

* * *

"It's been a while, Dutch." Still leaning with his back against the bar as the patrons for the night began picking themselves back up off the floor, a loud click sounded from behind Sousuke, a low sigh following as his familiarity with such a distinct sound only helped to remind him of his fallen comrades.

Bao held the shotgun pointed inches from the back of the young man's head, furious that his bar was once again filled with bullet holes, and right after he'd had the last batch fixed up too! He still couldn't see his face, but if he knew Dutch, then he was probably just as bad as Revy, especially with how he had gone and decided to shoot up the bar just as he friggin' got there. With a quick turn, Sousuke held up his head with one hand as he simply smiled mirthlessly back up the shotgun's barrel. It was an expression that would have done Kurz proud had he been alive to see it. "Bao, it certainly has been a while. So how's business been going?" As soon as he got a good look at the young man's face, Bao felt his anger and frustration reach new levels. It wasn't bad enough that he had to deal with Revy makin' trouble for him on a normal basis, but now Sagara had to crawl back out from whatever shadow he had disappeared in!

"SAGARA! YOU LITTLE SHIT!"

"I seem to be hearing that a lot since my flight landed..."

"YOU STILL OWE ME TWELVE GRAND FOR THE DAMAGE YOU LAST DID TO MY BAR!"

"Now Bao, I know I paid you for that, and you know very well that it hadn't been my fault."

"Bullshit Sagara!" The shotgun still in his face, Sousuke casually moved it out of the way with a single finger. Bao may be as hot tempered as ever, but he wasn't a stupid man by far. He knew damn well that if he just shot Sousuke right then and there that he would never get the money he said was still owed. Another click sounded from his left side, and once again Sousuke found himself staring down yet another gun barrel. It seemed to be the running theme since he had landed that everyone within earshot of him decide to point their guns before knowing anything. Even for this town, it was getting annoying fast.

"Fuckin' hell. You got some real fucking nerve kid..." Sousuke smirked inwardly at the growl that came from the woman with the ponytail. She appeared to have a shorter fuse than any other female he had been acquainted with, and from the sound of things, could have given Mao a run for her money with her seeming aptitude for swearing. Still leaning casually against the bar, Sousuke caught the sounds of Dutch as he stood up from his cover under the table, his cigarette still lit as he reached up for it and took a long drag.

"Man, what the hell Sagara? I thought you said you were done with this place."

"HEY! Don't you dare fucking ignore me! Ya got me ya you little fuck!"

"I don't mean to judge the company you keep Dutch, but perhaps you standards for professionalism have waned over the years?" Thanking his years of training, Sousuke managed to just barely cover the chuckle when he heard the woman's growl only grow in volume at his comment, the bloodlust showing clearly in her eyes at his off-handed comments. Anytime before the incident in Tokyo, he would have at least attempted to keep such comments to himself. But the sight of the slightly shaking gun barrel aimed at the center of his head was amusing, if not nostalgic in a way. He seemed to have a way with wearing on the patience of his share of women.

"You got a problem with me ya little shit?"

"No more than anyone else would I assure you."

"FUCKING PRICK!"

"REVY!" Everything seemed to freeze for a moment, the boom of Dutch's voice within the relative silence still lingering in the bar echoed against the walls. The smirk now long gone from his face, Sousuke waited patiently until the barrel pulled back from his face. The woman seemed to understand clearly enough to back off, though it was still very clear that she was itching to let his blood flow.

"So Dutch, uh, who's your pal?" Remembering that Dutch had been sitting with another, Sousuke almost had to do a double take when he finally turned and got a clear look at the man. Given his demeanor and basic features, he'd nearly mistaken the man for Kurz. Then he noticed the glasses, and the cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. Kurz Weber was no smoker. The single time Kurz had sampled one, he had only managed a single puff before tossing it, declaring at his inquiry that it tasted like shit. No, this man was not his former Mithril comrade and best friend on the Danaan, and he never would be either. Standing upright, Sousuke took up his rucksack from under the bar, running a hand through his hair before addressing the blond man in a way that _almost_ could have been seen as friendly.

"I apologize for the rudeness, mister...?"

"Ah, just Benny works man."

"Very well, Benny. I am in need of some assistance, and if it's not too forward, I was hoping I could ask a favor of an old comrade?" Shifting his gaze back toward Dutch, the two exchanged gazes, momentarily lost in ghostly memories of the past, years ago when they had last shared time on a rough and humid battlefield. A minute later, Dutch smirked, moving a heavy hand down on Sousuke's shoulder in a rough but friendly gesture.

"Well Sagara, if you've got the cash, then we've got the service. You got a place for tonight?"

"Negative. I was going to locate you first. I will find a motel." His smile growing, Sousuke watched as Dutch chuckled through his teeth. Taking a moment to puff at his cigarette, he took it out and turned attention on a man Sousuke hadn't noticed before. He seemed almost too timid to be living in such a violent place as Roanapur, but even Sousuke wasn't stupid enough to go on assumptions alone, especially in a place like this.

"Don't go bein' like that Sagara. You'll just shack up with Rock. He's a Jap too, so you'll have loads to talk about." The second the words left his mouth, the man Dutch had called 'Rock' almost looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a semi truck. The poor man seemed to be terrified at the prospect of sharing a room with an old comrade of his employer, though in all reality, Sousuke really couldn't blame him for being so cautious. Yet another killer to add to the man's list of those he knew could end him without a second thought if the mood struck them. Any normal person would have shit their pants at the idea.

"Eh, but Dutch-"

"No can do Dutchy. Rock's got plans."

"I-I do?"

"You fuckin' do now Rock! Now move your ass sailor!" Practically pushing Rock out the front door, Revy turned with a flip of her ponytail, dropping her used cigarette to the floor and smothering it with her shoe and calling over her shoulder. "We'll be at the office in the morning Dutch..."

As soon as the two had gone, Sousuke turned to see Benny chuckling to himself, the same amused smile spreading across Dutch's face as well. "Did I miss something amusing Dutch?"

"Naw, don't worry about it Sagara. It's just business, that's all there is to it."

"Yup! Rock's got the supply, and Revy's always been demanding at the best of times. In the end, it's all just business pal." Their meaning finally clicking in his head, Sousuke found himself missing his old comrades even more now. And more than that, he wished he had been more aware of such things from long before Chidori had been taken from him. Mentally flipping through his memories, only now did he realize that there had been times where had he been more aware of his own feelings, there was a very good chance that any advances from him might not have been turned away. If only he had been able to recognize things sooner, maybe Tokyo would still be in one piece, and Chidori could have been safe and happy.

"Hey Sagara, you still in there?" Dutch's voice bringing him back out from his inner turmoil, Sousuke ran a hand through his hair, exhaustion from the day beginning to catch up with him.

"Yes, my apologies. It has been a long day."

"Look man, you can find a hotel if you want, but if you want at least someplace that no one is stupid enough to go breakin' into, then why not just crash at our office? Nobody is likely to be dumb enough to go and try startin' shit when we all have to live together you know?" Benny's offer did make sense, and it was very tempting as well. Besides, if everything else was too open for him, he could always hide out in the closet. It was never the most comfortable of places to sleep, but one never complained when it was a choice between that or being killed. The long day was catching up to him fast, so with a stiff nod, Sousuke consented.

"Affirmative. If it is alright with you, then I accept; I will stay the night at your office. If I have need of a place to stay past tomorrow, then I will find a hotel and stay there."

"That's fine with me Sousuke. You just do me a favor and watch your back while you're here. The last thing any of us needs is more fuckers thinkin' they got a reason to stir shit up." Watching as both men put out their cigarettes and stood, Sousuke nodded in agreement as he readjusted his rucksack on his shoulder, following behind the two as they made their way out.

It didn't take long to reach the Lagoon office, though most of the delay happened because of Sousuke's earlier shootout before he had entered the bar. Apparently the vehicle he had taken cover behind had been Benny's, and the poor GTO now more resembled Swiss cheese than a car in places. Seeing as it had been his fault, Sousuke was able to convince Benny that part of his payment for their help, would be to purchase them a new vehicle before leaving. It was one more distraction added to his already long list, but if it meant he could ultimately track down Amalgam, and in turn Chidori's whereabouts, then it was more than worth his time. Besides, Dutch had already been generous in promising that he would see to it that Sousuke would have at least a small amount of help, no matter what, so for that, he was grateful.

When finally arriving at the Lagoon office, Dutch had let Sousuke in, letting him know where the restroom was before stating that they would be back in the morning. Sousuke was still staring out through the partially closed venetian blinds when he heard Dutch moving toward the front door. Not wanting to have to say such things in the presence of unfamiliar company, Sousuke spoke quickly, hoping to catch Dutch before he left. "Dutch."

"Hm? What's up Sagara?"

"...I really do appreciate this. I'll try to not burden you for too long." Even though Sousuke still had his back turned toward the man, he could still feel the smile come to his old comrade's face. It really had been a long shot to come all the way here and expect to find him at all, but to know for sure that they both still considered each other comrades was an enormous burden off of Sousuke's shoulders.

"It's cool Sagara, I know you'd help me out if I needed it. You have before too, so just think of this as payin' you back a little for that." Feeling a little more at ease since his arrival, Sousuke managed a small smile in return, turning to nod back at him as he walked out the door.

"Affirmative, Dutch." As the lock sounded and the deep footsteps dissipated down the hallway outside the door, Sousuke quietly took in more of his surroundings, assessing just where might be the best place for him to rest for the night. Even though he knew Dutch was right about the Lagoon Company's standing within Roanapur, old habits die hard, and he found himself wrapped up in a light blanket on the floor of one of the office's closets, the lock already in place, but still with his Glock within reach.

Calming his breath to slow his heartbeat, Sousuke closed his eyes, the darkness around him already making it easier to begin drifting off. Leaning his head against the rough fabric of his rucksack, flashing images of memories from not so long ago softly came forward, the ghostly figure of a beautiful young woman with a bright red bow in her long hair lulling him into a somewhat comforted sleep. "Chidori..."

It had indeed been a long and trying day...

* * *

Sometimes in my bed at night  
I curse the dark and a pray for light  
And sometimes, the light's no consolation  
Blinded by a memory  
Afraid of what it might do to me  
And the tears and the sweat only mock my desperation

* * *

The morning light shone brightly through the thin blinds, catching floating dust specs as the five individuals gathered on the couches. Dutch leaned forward in his chair between the two couches, his place in the room reminiscent of a peacekeeper sitting at the head of a table, prepared for anything that should go wrong. Revy was the only one to look as though she still could use about another three or four hours of sleep, but at least she had shown up in the first place. Sousuke had just finished explaining exactly why he had found himself back in Roanapur, while omitting a few details of course. Mithril may be gone, but most of what he had decided to keep to himself weren't considered pertinent details anyway, so he doubted they would be missed. "Fuckin' hell Sagara, when you get a shit storm goin' you don't fool around do you?"

"I'm going to assume that was a compliment Dutch." Turning a playful glare back at the man, Sousuke moved to lean his elbows on his knees, taking note that it seemed the statement had been the queue to light up another round of cigarettes.

"I'm sorry to hear you lost someone so important to you Mr. Sagara. That must have been difficu-"

"Fucking cry me a god damn river Rock. Chick sounds like she's a fuckin' pathetic bitch. If I'd been there, I would have just-" Even those who were there hadn't spotted the movement as Sousuke quickly stood and cocked his Glock, the barrel coming to sit just three inches away from Revy's skull. "Aww, did I hit a nerve with the little soldier boy?"

"Say whatever you will about me, but I will tolerate no one who speaks poorly of Chidori."

"You gotta lot of balls to be pointing that fuckin' thing at me you little shit..."

"Revy..."

"No! You know what Rock? Shut the fuck up that's what! Why the fuck do we have to bend over fuckin' backwards for some little shit-kickin' asshole who thinks he can shoot a fuckin' gun! Gettin' pretty fuckin' tired of this bullshit and I just met the fucker!" Sousuke could feel his lips thin as Revy went on her tirade, still glaring daggers at her from behind his sights. It had been because of people like her that he had left this fucking town to begin with. Everyone he ever ran into always decided right off the bat that he was nothing but a helpless kid, when in reality he used to be one of this town's deadliest. And for someone whom reputation never especially mattered, for once he really wished he gave as much of a dam as all the others in this city did. Maybe then the inhabitants of this hell hole might think twice before deciding that he was just another teenager trying to pick a few pockets.

"Miss Revy?"

"What? What the fuck do you want now you whiny-ass piece of shit! 'Oh I'm so sad cause my girlfriend became a whore and ran off with some asshole'! Like I fuckin' give a rat's-" The barrel of Sousuke's Glock was still hot as he stared literal death at Revy for her remarks. He had purposely made sure she wouldn't be hurt by his warning, she wasn't his employee to discipline after all, but the small amount of blood now coming from the edge of her right ear was satisfying in many ways right now. Not since the day he had really got to know Kaname Chidori, had anyone been allowed to speak poorly of her, and he had made damn sure of that while attending Jindai. That she would go out of her way to thank him for any small thing he had done right, even after angering her so thoroughly that she saw fit to beat him with anything she could get her hands on, only spoke of how truly wonderful and caring she was. No, even here he wouldn't put up with anyone, regardless of affiliation to say whatever they wanted about her. She was an angel among mortals, and nothing less.

Still glaring down at Revy from his spot across the coffee table, Sousuke wetted his lips, still not happy that he had to bring up events within his long dead past, but if it made things move smoother during his hopefully short stay, then it would be worth it. "Grisha Vasilyev..."

"Eh? You tryin' to tell me to fuck off or somethin' you little bitch?"

"Grisha Vasilyev was the first man I ever killed...he was my graduation ceremony as a professional killer, so to speak..."

"And let me guess, he was an old fart who tried fighting you off with his cane after you stole a nickel from him right? Was it worth it to ya? Hm? Did it feel good you fuckin' tight-ass?"

"He was a high ranking Spetsnaz within the Russian KGB, and head of the Nozh organization for creating child assassins. I killed him for trying to beat me with a lead pipe for amusement when I was no older than six. Tell me _Miss_ _Revy_, how old were _you_ when you earned the name 'Two Hands'?" The anger was blazing in her eyes, and though Sousuke still stood without moving a muscle, even he could hear her teeth grinding as she reached for the pistol in her shoulder holster. In a flash Revy too was standing straight with her cutlass pointed back at Sousuke, coarsely spitting out her cigarette with a grunt.

"You thinkin' I won't kill you cause you're an old pal of Dutch's right? Well I would hope you aren't bettin' your life on that shit-face, cause that's a bet that everybody loses when they go outta their way to fuckin' piss me off..."

"Alright, that's enough out of both of you. Put the guns away Revy, Sagara." Watching the two carefully as they sat back down and put away their respective firearms, Dutch took a long puff from his cigarette, contemplating just what Sousuke was asking for, and just how much that might cost them. "Well Sousuke, from what you told us, seems to me like you need to get the attention of these assholes that took your girl. But I'm willin' to bet that will be easier than finding people to help you do that. Did you have anyone else besides me in mind when you came back here?"

Thinking it over a bit, Sousuke nodded, folding his arms across his chest with a frown. He never much cared for the man, but he was Sousuke's other hopeful candidate when he had decided to come back to Roanapur. Come to think of it, not many people had liked Rick to begin with, but if anything, he was good at what he did, and that's what always got him jobs. "Affirmative. My other option if you had not been here would have been to find if Rick was still here as well. If memory serves, he had also come to this city a few months before I last left."

"That asshole? Man, Sagara you must be desperate if you wanna go lookin' for his ass. I still remember the night he got kicked outta Rowan's. You gotta pull some pretty fucked up shit for Rowan to throw you out as hard as he did that jackass." Sousuke had to take a moment to force down the urge to vomit at the possibilities. True, he had never been very keen to the more emotional, or physically pleasurable side of life, but even he was no idiot to what Rowan really made his money on. With the exception to being purely business, the last time he had been in Roanapur, he had more than likely been the only inhabitant in the entire city who preferred to stay away from Rowan's shop.

"I see, would you have any idea where I might locate him then? Attempting to get the attention of this organization might require more than just myself, and I'd like to come prepared if possible."

"Unfortunately, I haven't seen him for a few months now. Last I heard, he was gettin' on Ronny's bad side, and doin' that never helps anyone to stay alive very long."

"Ronny?"

"He took over as leader of the Italian Mafia in Roanapur after Verrocchio was torn apart a couple years back. He's been in charge ever since, and let me tell you, he's not much better. Man's a blood thirsty bastard, and doesn't look kindly on those who don't support him. You'd have a better chance of getting a shark to be your best buddy before you'd get Verrocchio to let you live after insulting him." Taking this into consideration for future reference, Sousuke folded his arms and leaned back into the couch. While finding that Dutch was willing to help had been one last thing to worry about, it was Rick's connections he still needed. Without those, Sousuke was practically back at square one, and the longer he had to stay there, the more frustrated he grew.

"You know, it would only take me maybe a couple minutes if you wanted me to look up the last place he was stayin'? It probably wouldn't be much, but even if he's not there anymore, rooms around here don't typically get cleared out unless someone does it themselves, or the cops gotta take care of a crime scene." Nodding in thanks to Benny, he watched as the spectacled man stood and left to activate his precious computers. Turning to lean back in the couch, a deep grin on Dutch's face caught his eye, and already Sousuke felt as if he should be scared somehow.

"Something amusing Dutch?"

"Only on my end pal." Shifting to reach into his back pocket, Dutch pulled out a few slips of paper and laid them out on the table, his smirk persisting through the long drag on his cigarette. "You see, before you showed up, we were gonna have to run a few errands and inform a few of our customers of their shipment progress. With you here, that means you get to say 'hi' to a few old friends until Benny finishes tracking down ol' Rick."

"Is this to be included in the payment I was already offering to you for assistance?"

"Look at it this way Sousuke, would you rather just sit here and do nothin', or would you like to kill some time and loan me a hand while you're at it?" Damn Dutch and his reasoning. The last thing Sousuke particularly wanted was to alert many of his old acquaintances that he was back, and this was certainly not helping that plan. Still, Dutch had a point. He never was one to simply sit back and wait for things to happen if he could avoid it, and even getting a few errands done for the man might help to take away from the payment he had promised them for assisting him during his stay. With a sigh that indicated victory to Dutch, Sousuke stood and adjusted the Glock at his back, turning toward him when he was done.

"So, just where were you planning on sending me?"

* * *

**Sorry it's so short, but I hope it's flowing well for you guys! Hopefully my muse will feel generous and stick around so I can get a few of my other projects up before it becomes all pissy and runs off on me again... .**


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